Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied... 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She replied, 'No peer pressure.'
I feel like my body has got totally out of shape, so I decided to join an aerobics class for seniors.
For a whole hour, I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired. But, by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over .
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her minister she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered in Tesco.
'Tesco?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Tesco?'
'So I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'