Saturday, 30 July 2011

Easy boy

Hi Terry, hope you enjoy this one and thanks for visiting 4paws blog, and Marge, is it Marge memyself? if so I can't locate your blog. but thanks for visiting too.

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badlybehaved 3 year-old grandson.
It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming forsweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit,cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,
"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William,
just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, 
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the buggy, and Gramps
says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, 
don't get upset.
We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading hisgroceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your
composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just 
kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you 
as his grandpa."

"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William....The little b******'s name is Kevin."

Friday, 29 July 2011

Mick & Paddy

Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf. 
Paddy said, 'I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery'. 
'What's dat?', says his mate.
'Send me lawn away to be cut', says Paddy.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

A moment of truth

 A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for 
several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer 

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times. 

When I got fired, you were there to support me. 

When my business failed, you were there. 

When I got shot, you were by my side. 

When we lost the house, you stayed right here. 

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what Martha?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck..

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

How to tell the sex of a fly

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly . 

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked..

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh. ! Kill any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked..

"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,

"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

Saturday, 2 July 2011


A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and   invited all of his buddies and neighbours.  He also invited Colin, the  only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and  flirting..

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has
the balls to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and   everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere.  Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell..

Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead  goldfish.
 Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'
'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.   How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something.  That was amazing.   How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?

Again, Colin said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?

Colin said, 'I just want the b****d who pushed me in.