Thursday, 17 May 2012

Men will like this

Medical examination..........
While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her: "Your heart, lungs, pulse & BP are fine.
Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady started taking off her clothes.....
Doctor, stopping her: "No! No! Please put on your clothes. Just show me your tongue."

Thank you Terry for your loyalty, or have you just got a humorous turn of mind like me? :-)

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Looking for Jesus

Apologies in advance to the over religious :-)

And as I have an audience, thank you Terry here' is another

Baptising a Glaswegian 

A Glaswegian is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.... 
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk shouts, 'Aye, I am.' So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?' 
The drunk replies, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Brother, have you found Jesus?' 
The drunk again answers, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?' 
(Are you ready for this????)

The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher,


'Are ye sure this is where he fell in?

Monday, 14 May 2012

A joke about MP.s

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25. Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all of our MP’s during a sitting of parliament, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.
We are going from car to car collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."