Wednesday, 25 January 2012

God's Boxes



 God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.'


I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, the black is for you to let go'

We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

OOOps

 Two White Doves


Imagine the following:

You have just made it through your wedding ceremony and have stepped out on the front steps of the church.

The photographer raises his camera.


Following a family tradition, both of you hold white doves which you will release together..

You and your new bride stand shoulder to shoulder with a dove in your hands as your friends and family eagerly wait.



The photographer gives the signal and you and your bride open your hands toward the sky.

Not a dry eye anywhere, the camera flashes; the moment is saved for eternity...


Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Watch what you wish for

40 years of marriage..

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....

SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH . AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!

Saturday, 7 January 2012

He's my brother

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and preceded to the checkout counter.  The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Well, not exactly, but they aren't for me.  They're for him.  He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

Friday, 6 January 2012

The maids wages


A maid asked for a pay increase


The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.


She asked:
'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Mam, there are THREE REASONS why I want an increase.


The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband say so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'


Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you are a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.


Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.
Wife: (really furious now) 'Ah! Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Mam... Your driver says'.
Wife: 'Ok Ok, So how much do you want?'


Thursday, 5 January 2012

Dyson vac

this is too good not to open
Sound on
and I WANT ONE
video

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Best Senior Citizens joke


BEST EVER OAP JOKE 


little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." 

Her 
neighbour asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" 

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." 

Her ne
ighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle. 

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. 

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." 

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............ then he says, 


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"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."