Thursday 28 February 2013

Beware the Nile Virus.


                                        Third " Nile " virus is coming
The 3rd " Nile " virus is coming. I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus.  Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to target those who were born prior to 1950....
Virus Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that)
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. (That too)
3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person. (Yup)
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (Ah-ha)
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that)
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. (Oh no, not again)
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND". (Hate that)
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." (OH HECK, NOW WHAT?)




IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."
Hmmm...... have I sent this to you already, or did you just send it to me?

Monday 25 February 2013

Religeous people might be offended so press the back button.



HOLY HUMOR

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3.Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied Johnny.
"How could he, with just two worms."

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 .
She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task –but he just couldn't remember the Psalm.
After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rick was so nervous, when it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.
One day, she asked him why.
"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages,
"I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night?
That's very commendable.
What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say,
"And all girls."
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her,
"Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"
Her response,
"Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.
"I don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do, " his mother insisted.
"We always say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Johnny explained,
"But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

Sunday 24 February 2013

Ida and the frog


An older lady named Ida was somewhat lonely since her cat died and she decided she needed another pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.




Description:                                    cid:C164C2F238ED4CDDB3893101C9D09E7C@RoyPC





He whispered, 'I'M SO LONELY, TOO .. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME.. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY.'

Ida figured, what the heck! She hadn't found
Anything else. So she bought the frog. She placed
Him in the car, on the front seat beside her.
As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her 'KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY..'!





So, Ida figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.





IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince



Description:                                    cid:52B3823551C54BC4A7EE89512CC2F840@RoyPC





THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED IDA'S KISS.

SUDDENLY IDA FELT HERSELF
TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW
CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IDA TURNED INTO?

COME ON GUESS!



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SHE TURNED INTO
The first Holiday Inn
SHE COULD FIND!!!
Description:                                    cid:DF35564FBBBB49E5A286227EE6B3F37C@RoyPC
She's old...... NOT DEAD!!!!!
OLD LADIES ROCK

Description:                                    cid:4588810C08F748FABC2714B3E5406D58@RoyPC

Tuesday 12 February 2013

Exercise for the over 50's

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.



With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.



Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.



Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.