Tuesday, 29 January 2013

A lucky escape

One Monday morning the  postman is walking through the neighborhood on his usual route,  delivering the mail.

As he approached one of  the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His  wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with a load of  empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

"Wow, David, looks like  you guys had one hell of a party last night," the Postman  commented.

David, in obvious pain,  replied, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt  like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from  around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.  We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'WHO AM  I?'."

The Postman thinks a  moment and said, "How do you play 'WHO AM I?' ?"

" Well, all the guys go  in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only  the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women  try to guess who it is.."

The postman laughed and  said, "Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it."

"Probably a good thing  you did," David responded."Your name came up 7  times."

Friday, 25 January 2013

The sex life of a a frog [well sort of]

Couldn't resist passing this one on
A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box of frogs.

The sign says:

Only $20each!
Come with complete instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter,  'I'll take one!'

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her,  'Just follow the instructions!'

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully.  She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1.Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you,  and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . .NOTHING happens!  The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.  She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says,

'If you have any problems or questions . Please call the pet store.'

So she calls the pet store, the man says 'I'll be right over' and arrives within minutes.

The blonde lets him in and says, “ I've done everything according to the instructions but the damn frog just SITS there!'

The man looking very stern, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and says:

I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE ... MORE ...TIME!!!'