Monday, 20 February 2012

Sex after surgery

Sex After Surgery?...............................
A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine," he said.


She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl…
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

The Irish Virgin

The Elderly Irish Virgin
In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the   undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma, but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:
   
     "RETURNED  UNOPENED"

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Sex at 73

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox,
informing me that I can have sex at 73!

cid:1.1068622505@web46215.mail.sp1.yahoo.comcid:1.1068622505@web46215.mail.sp1.yahoo.com

I'm sooooo happy, because I live at number 67.....
so it's not far to walk home afterwards!
 
 

Monday, 6 February 2012

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Atta boy!

Description: cid:image001.gif@01CCC07F.68D85790

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: 
HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME 
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a Grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
  
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!


The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'

She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'

Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
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'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'