Sunday, 9 January 2011

A few jokes

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

 Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!
 So I sent her my ironing. That’ll keep the lazy woman busy.

 I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.
 Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday this year”. Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th then.”

 My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak

 Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

 I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

 After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.

 A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.”

 Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That’s a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

 2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes…. I think they were Hovis Witnesses.


  1. Thanks Arlene very good needed a laugh today , rain here awful day . hugs Sheila

  2. Hi Arlene,
    I loved to visit in here that you gave joy of a laugh which we needed badly as Sheila's said.

    The bad news and the weather is a bad everywhere.

    Hope you keeps warm and take care,

  3. Thank for visit my space Arlene, on your comments that you says You have had hurt in your back but you have effort to walking with your dogs an exercise, Iam so happy for you.
    Please keeps it up Arlene.
    Have a nice day,

  4. Hi Arlene Just read michiko comment , I do hope you are well and the back pain is improving. Enjoy your day xx

  5. Hi Sheila and all glad you enjoy the jokes, my back is OK now, occasional twinge, but nothing to complain about, thank you