Eye, eye

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What  happened?   You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the  pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that  before." "Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit  with a cannonball, but I'm fine now." The bartender replied, "Well,  OK, but what about that hook?   What happened to your hand?" The pirate  explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a  sword fight. My hand was cut off.  I got fitted with a hook but I'm  fine, really." "What about  that eye patch?" "Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a  flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my  eye." "You're kidding," said the bartender. You couldn't lose  an eye just from bird shit." "It was my first day with the  hook."