Thanks

Thanks all for your comments, and Sheila can't think why you couldn't get into tango's Tales, BTW it's taLEs not taILS maybe that's the difference.http://4pawsandatale.blogspot.com  I do appreciate ALL you comments on this site, I'm just trying to keep it light.just for fun.

Another joke

I'm having another go at trying to get some more followers on this site, I'll give up soon but here's another joke before I do,
Don't read if you're racially sensitive.

 

 Bit naughty but you got too have a sense of humour !

Ah, there’s nothing like a non-pc story to brighten the day.

A Pakistani immigrant goes to a Doctor and says "I feel terrible". The Doctor says "You need to pee and poop in a bucket for a week, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage. Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapours for 3 days". The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says "I feel wonderful!! What was wrong with me?" "You were homesick..."

This man has bonded with the lioness for a long time before this video was taken -- she knows him and has her whole life. The final scene is priceless. She's a beautiful lioness, one of the prettiest that I've seen.

This is amazing, just clik on the underlined text
This man has bonded with the lioness for a long time before this video was taken -- she knows him and has her whole life. The final scene is priceless. She's a beautiful lioness, one of the prettiest that I've seen.

PREGNANT AT 71

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran
down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she
told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was
writing on his clipboard.

"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded.
"Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren,
and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, .......
....."Does she still have the hiccups?"

How pure is your brain

Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2011 21:04:21 +0000

>
>>>
>>> How fast can you guess these words?
>>
>>>
>>
>>> 1. BOO_S
>>
>>> 2. _ _NDOM
>>
>>> 3. F_ _K
>>
>>> 4. P_N_S
>>
>>> 5. PU_S_
>>
>>> 6. S_X
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>> Answers:
>>
>>> 1. BOOKS
>>
>>> 2. RANDOM
>>
>>> 3. FORK
>>
>>> 4. PANTS
>>
>>> 5. PULSE
>>
>>> 6. SIX
>>
>>>
>>
>>> You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
>>
>>> Bugger - I failed too!

24 hours to live

24 Hours to Live....BRILLIANT!






Morris
Returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
Doctor has
told him that he has only 24 hours to live.


Given the
prognosis, Morris
asks his
wife for sex.



Naturally,
she agrees, so
they make
love.



About 6
hours later, the
husband
goes to his wife and says,



'Honey, you
know I now have
only 18
hours to live.



Could we
please do it one
more
time?'



Of course,
the wife agrees,
and they do
it again.



Later, as
the man gets into
bed, he
looks at his watch



and
realizes that he now has
only 8 hours
left.




He touches
his wife's
shoulder and
asks,



'Honey,
please... just one
more time
before I die.'




She says,
'Of course, Dear,'
and they
make love for the third time.




After this
session, the wife
rolls over
and falls asleep.




Morris,
however, worried about his impending death,tosses and turns, until he's down
to 4 more hours.




He taps his
wife, who rouses.
'Honey, I
have only 4 more hours....

Do you
think we
could...'



At this
point the wife sits
up and
says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough
I have to
get up in the morning... you don't.'

Thus the Lord comforts Eve

 

 

"Lord, I have a problem."

 

"What's the problem, Eve?"

 

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of

these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake; but I'm

just not happy."

 

"And why is that Eve?"

 

"Lord, I am lonely; and I'm sick to death of apples."

 

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

 

"Man, what is that Lord?"

 

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All

in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster and will

like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will

satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish

things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you,

so he will also need your advice to think properly."

 

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the

catch Lord?"

 

"Well, you can have him on one condition."

 

"And what's that Lord? "

 

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring so, you'll have to

let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little

secret, you know, woman to woman."

Britons unite

Let's put the Pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.  

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.   

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. 

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance. 

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.    

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. 

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education. 

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an  exercise outdoor yard, with  gardens. 

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls. 

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to. 

The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. 

Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. 

Live in a tiny room and pay £900 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.   

Justice for all we say. 

  

Think about this (more points of contention):  

------------------------------------------------------------ 

COWS 

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a 

single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire? 

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. 

But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow. 

------------------------------------------------------------ 

THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION 

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... 

Why don't we just give them ours? It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore. 

------------------------------------------------------------ 

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS 

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this - 

You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ..... It creates a hostile work environment. 

------------------------------------------------------------ 

Also; 

Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! 

It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up! 

----------------------------------------------------------------------  

Old age

This time ?