The circumcision

For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love thethings little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often takenliterally.....
     A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class wassquirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. Shewent back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed andwhispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quiteitchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He wastold to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.  Hedid and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at theback of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sittingat his desk with his 'private part' hanging out. 'I thought I told youto call your mum!' she said. 'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that ifI could stick it out until lunchtime, she'd come and pick me up fromschool.

Sunburn cure, [a bit naughty]

Subject: Sunburn Treatment     Bet you never thought of this... New Treatment for Sunburn.   A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.   He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.   With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?' The doctor replied, 'It won't really do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.

Men will like this

Medical examination..........

While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her: "Your heart, lungs, pulse & BP are fine.

Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady started taking off her clothes.....

Doctor, stopping her: "No! No! Please put on your clothes. Just show me your tongue."

Thank you Terry for your loyalty, or have you just got a humorous turn of mind like me? :-)
 

Looking for Jesus

Apologies in advance to the over religious :-)

And as I have an audience, thank you Terry here' is another

. Baptising a Glaswegian 

A Glaswegian is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.... 
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk shouts, 'Aye, I am.' So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?' 
The drunk replies, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Brother, have you found Jesus?' 
The drunk again answers, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?' 
(Are you ready for this????)


The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Are ye sure this is where he fell in?

A joke about MP.s

 

 

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25. Nothing was moving.

 

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

 

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

 

"Terrorists have kidnapped all of our MP’s during a sitting of parliament, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.

 

We are going from car to car collecting donations."

 

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

 

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

The Wellie boots

The "Wellie Boots" 
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!) 

Did you hear about the Pre-School teacher who was helping one of the children put on his "Wellie boot's"? 
He asked for help and she could see why.. 
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little "Wellie's" still didn't want to go on.
By the time they got the second "Wellie" on, she had worked up a sweat. 
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Miss, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked, and sure enough, they were..
It wasn't any easier pulling the "Wellie's" off than it was putting them on..
She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the "Wellie's" back on, this time on the right feet..
He then announced, "These aren't my Wellies."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,
'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.
Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting "Wellie's" off his little feet..
No sooner had they gotten the "Wellie's" off when he said,
"They're my brother's "Wellie's", my mom made me wear 'them.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the "Wellie's" on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your gloves?"

He said, "I stuffed 'them in the toes of my Wellie's".

She will be eligible for parole in three years!

Exercise for the over 60's

Just my style

  I'm doing this now......


EXERCISE  FOR PEOPLE
OVER 60
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.  (I'm at this level.)  
 
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.