The real reason for Mad cow disease

CAUTION, THIS MAY OFFEND














now you can't wait to read it.













 
You know there are so many TV channels, each one starved for new programmes.
In a rural programme for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter.

This TRUE interview went as follows:

The lady reporter:  I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease.
Can you offer any reason for this disease?

The farmer stared at the reporter and said?  Did you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?

Reporter: (obviously embarrassed):  Well, sir, that's a new piece of information but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?

Farmer:  Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?

Reporter:  Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?

Farmer:  I am getting to the point, Miss.  Just imagine, if I was playing with your t!ts twice a day .... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?

THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED ..




I DID WARN YOU.

The Bacon Tree

Couldn't resist this one

 The Bacon Tree
  Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.
  They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says: "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell.  Ees bacon, I theenk."
  "Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."
  With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
  There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!  Ees a bacon tree!"
  "Luis, maybe ees a meerage?  We ees in the desert don' forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon? Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"
  With that, Luis staggers towards the tree.
  He gets to within 5 yards, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock.
Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:
  "Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
  "Luis, Luis mi amigo, what ees it?"
  "Pepe ees not a bacon tree.  Ees...
  Ees...
  Ees...
  Ees...
  Ees...
  Ees...

  Ees... A ham bush."

SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with me for sending you this.
Just couldn't help it!
 Little voices made me do it!
  And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you?
  I know you did!
  You're grinning aren't you?

1

THe little girl and the atheist

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

Man vs woman

MEN AND WOMEN


A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.


Water in the carburettor
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?
WIFE: "In the pool"


HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

Today's Short Reading from the Bible...
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!....

Pearls of wisdom [or something. ]

  CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ...

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

Blame the weather.

Loud mouth.

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.' The room erupted in applause DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.